Saturday, January 28, 2006;
♥ 1/28/2006 07:33:00 PM
ohhh. this song is pretty nice. ((:I DONT WANNA SAY GOODBYE >>BOSSONii dont wanna say goodbyeii dont wanna be aloneii give you one more chance to say how much you want me backohh. i'll give you one more chance to asy that this time it will lastuntil that death do us partso we can find peace in our heartsohh, ii give you one more chance say you're sorryand that you love me'cosii dont wanna be aloneii dont wanna be apart againii dont wanna say goodbye, againii dont want a broken heartii dont wanna be hurt againii dont wanna say goodbye, againii give you one more chanceto prove that you're the one for mebut this time you will have towork hard for a manlady with dignityyou'll have earn my trustyou seeii give you one more chanceto say you're sorryand that you love meii dont wanna be aloneii dont wanna be apart again
ii dont wanna say goodbye, again
ii dont want a broken heart
ii dont wanna be hurt again
ii dont wanna say goodbye, againii dont wanna be alone
ii dont wanna be apart again
ii dont wanna say goodbye, again
ii dont want a broken heart
ii dont wanna be hurt again
ii dont wanna say goodbye, againdo you understandall the pain you cheat'd on me babyso swear to god and promise methat it will never ever happen againcause i still love you
ii dont wanna be aloneii dont wanna be apart againii dont wanna say goodbye, againii dont want a broken heartii dont wanna be hurt againii dont wanna say goodbye, again
ii dont wanna be aloneii dont wanna be apart againii dont wanna say goodbye, againii dont want a broken heartii dont wanna be hurt againii dont wanna say goodbye, againniceNICEniceNICEnice! ((xfor now. gotta get back to my amaths. urghhh.
the things we live and die for;
&maybe things will be fine after awhile.
;
♥ 1/28/2006 07:36:00 AM
love made us strong
love made us cry
love made changed into another one
but your smile could change everything
accompanying you thru the rain
all i want is to see the bright sunshine
and whispering these special words into your ears
i do>>
madness in redcross room since 630. hahas.
they were FUNNY.
this guy is GAY. =p
me brandon and nirma.
rachel me and mary.
those toots. hahas.
this guy totally rocks.
brandon chanel nirma carissa and i. EXCO POWER. ((:
this is SO SO scandalous. =X
doggy. horse. eagleFISHY!
yunxing, evan, me, AUNTY JACQ, val.
orange, green, red. a screw'd up traffic light.
i think this is COOL.
photo takin in a neoprint machine. anyways, i thiink today's cool! other than the part when everyone last-min say not free. urghhh. hahas. but still, this year's celebration was cool. and i got SO SO HIGH. LOL. =p meanwhile, have a great chinese new year everyone. if you're havin EXTRA money, feel free to donate to the st wenfang society! ((xyou shouldnt return
at least not on that day;
&maybe things will be fine after awhile.
Thursday, January 26, 2006;
♥ 1/26/2006 06:54:00 AM
nothing's gonna changethe things that you saidnothing's gonna make thisright againplease dont turn your backii cant believe its hard jus to talk to youbut you wont understand>>to-whom-it-might-concern,why is life so stressin? why is heaven so unfair? why is the world so. so MEAN?i meant. no. i dont expect to wake up the next thing in the mornin. to suddenly find tt all my long await'd dreams come true. everything's goin my way. i have all the say. and i control everything. NO! i jus want a simple life. with no backstabbing. gossiping. bad-mouthin. urghh. okies. i do gossip. but i promis;d to my girlfriends that i will not anymore. all those backstabbin stuff hurts everyone. EVERY SINGLE ONE. jus recently. we girls had a trash-out session in the toilet. we all end'd up crying. but wells, at least everythings over already. at least everything's settle'd already. at least. we still hold our friendship close and dear to our hearts. ((: ilvoeyou NIRMA CHANEL YUNXING CARISSA.but. i dunno. im so confus'd nowadays. too loss for words.its not like we want the best for ourselves. its not like we dont care. its not like WE DONT WANNA HELP. it jus that. smth, there's a limit to wat we can do. sighs. i dunno. everything seems wrong. watever move i make seems wrong. and all directions became blur, so blur that im lost. URGHHH.i feel so mix'd up. nobody ever ask'd how i felt bout things. they jus PRESUME that i think tt way. they jus ASSUME that i dont care. they jus THINK that ..... oh. i dunno. i jus felt so betray'd and upset at those words i hear from their mouths. ):look. this is the best we could do. if u expect more. im sorry. do it yourself. im in a million contridictions. sighs.you will never know how we felt after wat you've said. you will never know. never. unless you're us.
i might not believe in god but still,amen.ii wishi had you by my side still;
&maybe things will be fine after awhile.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006;
♥ 1/25/2006 06:53:00 AM
to a place where i can be redefinedwhere youre out of sightand youre out of mindbut the truth isi cant even say goodbye>>gee.we're goin service learnin soon. like soonhahas.=pgot post'd to NEPAL. okies. im not so AGAINST nepal. but. yea . i jus have this feeling that i dont want to go dere. so ii begg'd rueben and zhihao. ZHIHAO chang'd places with me!! whees! you rock!. that stupid dumb rueben right now haven even gimme a reply. blechh. you suck. -pouts.okies. the 'swappin' goes like this:-ME with ZHIHAO!-JACQ with CHANEL!-CARISSA with YULIANG!-CARISSA with ZHENGXIAN with VALERIElol. how ironic.aiyah. but this yr the postin of 'countries' is really dumb. irritaing!! URGHHH):but seriously, i oso dunno why i got the i-jus-dont-want-to-go-NEPAL.i-want-to-go-CHINA feelin. ahahs. i jus. oh wells. NEVERMIND. hahas. ((:anyways, havin ss test tml. but guess what? we're online askin one another.TML'S TEST TEST ON WHAT?!goodness gracious me. ahhas. how attentive are we in class mans, i wonder.anyways. i spent the whole afternoon. msgin. like yea. jkong. yanru. blahblahblah. URGHH! my bill. ):so i've been msgin this person. hahas. those question got me thinkin. and i dunno. ):dunno bout aything. everything. and all things. )):millions contridictions;
&maybe things will be fine after awhile.
Saturday, January 21, 2006;
♥ 1/21/2006 07:44:00 PM
everytime i try to fly above
without my wings i feel so small
i guess i need you baby
and everytime i see you
in my dreams
i see your face
it's haunting me
i guess i need you baby>>
dumdeedum. iive decid'd to BLOG. ((:though there isnt really much to BLOG about. but yea. i'll think of RUBBISH to fill up this post though. wahahahas. ((xhad redcross training ytd. hahas. its was rather okay. excludin the part when ii did roll call with a sore thraot.an advice: DO NOT eat chilli when you havin a sore throat and you gotta shout later on. like come on, who will? -rolls eyes.=pafterwhich was CT. blahblahblah. the story goes on. i/cs took turn; talk. teachers went up; talk, seniors went up; talk.next was community singing. rights, i wasnt present. but ii suppos'd it went well. considering tt ii heard the redcross song begin sang when ii enter'd the room.first aid lesson. urghhhh. i din get to teach CPR! -pouts.PT. its fun! like totally. but it will be MORE fun. if ii could run finish'd the whole route with the unit. ):jan babies celebration. dumdeedum. the cake was so so so yummilicious. ((:brandon; score 11points for O. (dude! we are all aimin for 10pts and below!)jarina; lucks in everything. (you've got my blessing!)
candice; braver. (such a simple yet complicat'd wish. i hope you were too. ((:)
den was dismissal. debrief.and was MADNESS-TIME. hahas. chanel carissa yunxing brandon and i stay'd in the redcross room after everyone left, and yea. we began spouting nonsense. we got so high! hahas. ((: burst out laughin, cursing and swearin. lol. how fun!! den when we finally stop laughin, we went home. how ironic. HAH.
anyways, i cant wait til fri. den the 2c'04 buskers are gonna wear the enthic custom. and dumdeedum. ((:hahas. goody! ii cant wait. ((xii know the taste of tear;
&maybe things will be fine after awhile.
Saturday, January 14, 2006;
♥ 1/14/2006 08:22:00 PM
as i look'd up into the blue skyi felt as though nth changescept for the fact thatthose memories and youhad actually fade'd into the blue horizonjus had the first redcross weekly meeting ytd with the unit. the recruits who came ytd was really really upsetting but then again. ii believe all of us did our best in orientation. (:but still, ytd was fun. like really fun. in terms of, we had our own share of fun, joy and laughter. case studies; it was COOL! totally. my casualty was kevin. hahas. three groups had their turns in recusing him and some cadets were REALLY hiliarious. LOL. one even ask'd him to rest in peace. like OMG. hahas. but it DID attract attention! like some volleyballers and ncc guys, HOSEA CHOO! who came over and comment'd SICK. blechhs. hahas. anyways, the sence goes like this: he was BLEEDING PROFUSELY after being knock'd down by a vehicle. he's still conscious now, but may turn unconscious anytime! this is a safe zone so there is no need to evacuate him. can you help him? nevermind if you cant, cos we, REDCROSS, can save him. ((xsuvivor cookin; yummilicious! we had to cook a chicken! maggie noodles! eggs! hotdogs! and our fingers! =p hahas. but yeppp. it was a truckloads of fun!! whees. thats not the best thing yet. the bestthing is tt we saw cadets enjoyin themselves and bonding tgt as one! thats our main objective and yea, i believe we got it. ((:okies, like always, things aint perfect. but still, we enjoy'd it, the unit like'd it. they learnt new things. and all of us had fun! ((:dearest excos, i LOVE y'all! <3
for those who are concern with my grandfather. thanks loads. for ya prayers and stuff. he's getting well. ((: recoverin slowly but STEADY. ((: dumdeedum!oh besides, szemian! though you appear'd to be so happy and SPASTIC. i felt that inside you, there is emptiness. hahas. maybe im over-sensitive. but still, if you're upset of wat. find me!! im always there for you! ((: rmbr this; the guy that makes you cry, aint worth your tears. ((xhahas. i jus realis'd, takin photos in eng class using handphones makes me go HIGH. wahahahahas. i like that!! =pyou'reone in a million;
&maybe things will be fine after awhile.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006;
♥ 1/10/2006 10:27:00 PM
some meet in the strangest places some meet in the place that they are working some meet in their own back yard some say it was love at first sight some say that they never could imagine they say that they found the right oneone first entry in 2006. ((: though today's already 11. ((xowells. orientation'06 end'd on 6jan2006. hahas. all hard work put in. all preparation end'd toos. ((:ii like redcross performance. hahas. esp saleha's part! the madwoman who came shouting and screaming. ii love the stretcher squad! hahas. we manage'd to recuse two causualties. like wow ehhs? ((: ii like it when johnny sir shout'd REDCROSS FALL IN! ii like it cos our two i/cs put in so much effort in this event. ii like it cos ii get to see seniors like ALINA! JIAYEE! ii like it most cos ii see the cadets involv'd in the skit puttin in their effort! whees. cheers! ((:maybe iim use'd to the life w/o your presence at all.abit too use'd.for those friends who gave me that concern look and an encouraging pat on my shoulder. THANKS! but DONT WORRY! ((: im alright. like so totally. hahas. urghh. that stupid ncc so-call'd-statue. so irritaing and SCARY! i aint like that! -growls. and mr tan! promise if ii eat up that clay you let me score flying colours for Os? dumdeedum.alrights alrights. to those who kept on pesterin me online. im not happy, yeas? something really upsetting happen on sunday. my grandfather old illness start'd acting up again. so we have got totally no choice but to ask my aunty to send him to the hospital. its really heartbreakin seein your loved one havin to be hospitalize'd and YET you cant do anything but jus to stay at home. simple reason, youve got school tml. -.- URGHH. ): so nowadays, ive been goin to hospital and home and school. blahblahblah. sighs. ):promises are made to be brokenjus like rules;
&maybe things will be fine after awhile.
Sunday, January 01, 2006;
♥ 1/01/2006 07:41:00 AM
everybody've got smth
they HAD TO leave behing
one regret from yesterday
that just seems to grow with time
there's no use lookin back or wondering
because love is a strange and funny thing
no matter how
ii trie'd and trie'd
ii jus cant say goodbyeiim gonna write bout my life is year 2005. ((: of cos there will be moments when ii would scream for joy! and will be proud of myself that ii actually accomplish'd. but there will be moments and events in my life during this yr thats coming to an end, when ii would rather not talk'd bout it at all. but still. its time to spill everything out. and start my new life afresh. ((:
ii remember'd myself very clearly. saying these words to szemian, in jan; rahhh. ii need a break from everything. inculding the relationship iim having. hah. ii even told her that before feb, ii wanna have a break. umm. from EVERYTHING. hah. but UNFORTUNATELY. things din go the way ii want'd them to. so yea. the relationship dragg'd on and on. also, iim having a rather difficult struggling with MY CLASS. for some reason, that my class have the brightest and smartest idiots. ARGHHH. they ARE the ones who make me feel downright stupid. so yea. and whats worse, maths got split'd into 2 sub, while sci got spilt'd into 3. so yea. had a really really BAD time tryin to shuffle and get settle down into sec 3. oh yes! and right at the beginning of this yr, ii had tuition. (: hah. hmms. so many new things came crashin down on me, and ii really find it hard to settle down. but as time goes by, ii did! (:
and after all these studies problems, ii found myself settling aside time for other things. hah. which ii find myself SUPER dumb, ii began to want to spend time with ahem. and yes! redcross! hah. so yakyakyak.
hmms. ii guess THATS a REALLY WRONG mistake ii made. esp since ii haven really got myself into the track of sec 3 lifestyle yet. hah. and yea. ii had only myself to blame for spendin time on the wrong thing. owells.
hmms. and blahblahblah. very soon. as time goes by, love fade'd. so yea. the break-up <>surface'd. hah. wells. yea. heartbroken, hurt, sad, upset. iive been thru all that. but thanks to all my friends! they pull'd me thru. and now. iive surviv'd. of cos there wil be times ii miss'd him. but who cares? (: love is a beautiful thing and ii believe that ii still have faith and trust in it. so iim gonna keep my loving deep down within me and save'd it for someone who's loving me. dumdeedum! ii jus wanna thanks JACQUELINE! AARONANG! SZEMIAN! YUNXING! NIRMALAYGA! VALERIE! NICHOLASNGO! hah.
-JAQCUELINE> everything has a beginning, an end, and a new beginning.
-AARONANG> youre lost cos you cant let go.
-VALERIE> its not over til its over.
-NICHOLASNGO> its not how to. its have to.
<>-friend> the guy who made you cri'd aint worth your tears.
all my special friends said smth to me at that point of time. which really helps me alot and gives me the encourgaement ii need'd. thanks SO SO SO MUCH. ((: ii will NEVER make it w/o y'all. LOVE! iive made really good friends this yr. ((: ii became closer to szemian and val! hah.
SZEMIAN. valerie yunxing jaccqueline elis martha nirma carissa chanel joanne michelleLEE junyang j.kong yulaing brandon. all these esp. y'll brought that smile onto my face. 'all light up my life. and y'all made a difference in my life. thank y'all so so much. ((:
yea. so after the breakup. everything to me seems unreliable. seems so unapproachable. cos im afraid to committ again. cos im afraid to get hrut again. cos im afraid to be disappoint'd again. all the faith all the trust all the love in me seems to disappear. and its really hard for me to get standing back onto my feet. sighs. iits really upsetting. to see the person you care about most, becoming the person who hurts you the most. who betrays you. who disappoints you. who made you cry again and again.. sighs. why must he do all these? iive yet to find out the ans. and iive a feeling ii never will. sighs. iim too loss for words....
umm. so right when ii need'd someone. a shoulder. or jus a hand to grasp. something made my world turn upside down. my uncle got into depression ward. after which. he attemp'd suicide and got admitt'd into ICU. over afew prob, and one of them is that his wife left him. my aunty actually left him. like wow! so this is how fragile and short love is. hah. iim really. stunn'd. thats my fave uncle laying down in the ICU ward. unable to talk or breathe properly. he could jus lay down there. all tube over him. thru him and in him. its heartbreaking. really. to see him laying down like this. sighs. and the moment ii saw him like this. the moment ii greet'd him. all the tears came rolling down. all the tears ii kept in that heart of mine all came rolling down. ii cri'd and cri'd. my cousin gotta help me out of the ward. and calm'd me down before ii face'd my grandmother. but ii know iim not the only one suffering. all my BIG family members, they are suffering toos! their father, their brother, their son, their uncle. so ii forc'd myself to forget bout the breakup. and really give all the care and love that my family need'd right at the moment to them. its heart warming. to see how 6families could come down tgt and share our concern for each other. everytime ii went to the hospital, ii could see my aunties uncles and cousins.
after the incident and breakup. iive realis'd. love aint always on the top of the list.there are friends! and most of all, family. ((:
right now, my uncle is recovering, slowly yet steady. ((: god bless!!umm. my life. theres jus too much to talk bout. too many thinngs happen. too many unhappy things happen. and theyre are DEFINATELY those i would rather NOT talk bout anymore! like so, toally.
to sum things up. this yr 2005. ii like'd it,and ii really do. but at the same time, ii hate it, ii really really do. WRAHH. you know how much it hurts, to want EVERYTHING yet NOTHING at the same time. urghh. some events that happen'd would really chang'd my life, permentantly. PERIODfor my FRIENDS ((: >>to my best-est friend, szemian> szemian, so MANY MANY things happen this yr. and if its not you by my side, i wouldnt know where i will be today. umm. thru out all this shit that im going thru, im jus so grateful for you. ((: you taught me how life goes, you show'd me the correct way. and you gave the CORRECT-est advice and the CORRECT-est time. thanks so so much. ii know there might be some misunderstanding btw us sometimes or another. and it might jus seems that, we aint friend anymore. but ii jus wanna say this: that ii was your friend. ii am your friend. and ii will ALWAYS be your friend. ((: you know, szemian, if someday you were sad, and no ones dere for you. alwasy remember me, jus like how i always remember'd you. ((: remember that i always care! im always there! and i always love! SMACKS!
to my best friend, valerie> val!! you have been a heck of a great pal!!you know, crappin with me during bio class, and stuff. lol. you will always be my best partner in class!! ((: dumdeedum. hmms. you know, sometimes we might not feel close. as in, you have your own stuff to be busy with, you have band. while ii have my own stuff too, and redcross matters. BUT STILL, youll always be in my heart. remember this yar? hah, and iits great knowin you. really great! ((: SMACKS!
to my best friend, yunxing> ah starr!! ((: dumdeedum. jus wanna drop some words for u on my blog! ((: thank me alrights! hah. wells, maybe im close to you, cos, we were from FMPS RCY. we were from 2C04, we were and ARE from FAGS. and now, we are in exco TGT. hmms. ya know all the times we been thru tgt? like those busk-in times? yea. its those great memories that really help me thru! thanks so much! hah. umm. i jus wanna say this. that although sometimes, we might ahve some agruements, over redcross matter s and stuff , or whatsoever. ii jus wana let you know that, i will STILL be here for ya! hah. owells. ah starr. remember that in love, theres no w/o obstacles. yea? be brave, stand up strong and surviv'd thru them ALL. ((: fight for your own happiness and be truly happy! ((: jus dont let this relationship affect yourself and EVEN those around you! hah. SMACKS!
to my best friend, jacqueline> JACQ!!! my eng class partner. awww. hmms. iive realis'd that youre actually one of those friends who ii have. those kind which ii aint VERY VERY close too, but still dare to tell them most of my secret, esp, relationships. hah. no! not saying that youre nice and lovable. but jus that, youre really MATUR'D! hah. really. and everytime, im sure to get really good and useful advises from ya. and THANK YOU SO MUCH! ((: girl, youre one whom ii know that are really brave. you jus seems so ready and brave whenever you met any obstacles in love or life. and ii guess ii really look up to you becos of that. umm. time flies, soon we will be sec 4, and sooner, we will be off! hah. eee. it sounds scary to me though. but remember this, im your friend, and no matter where we are, when is it. im here. always here. ((: SMACKS.
to my best friend, elis> HAMSTER!! hah. aint that close to ya this yr anymore. hah. partically due to the fact that youre a vice-chairperson now ehhs? no more time for me )):. or you spend too much time in LOVE? hah. but anyways, remember to study hard!! lets motivate each other! ((: hah. YOU! remember that whenever you met a obstacle, be it in life or love or evern studies. approach us! your friends. we wil never forsake you, NEVER. cos thats wat friends are for. we stand by each other. and be there for each other! remember this yea? SMACKS.
to my best friend, martha> martha!! wrahh. youre the only one in FAGs that im really not close to! hah. umm. ii us'd to think youre quiet! very quiet. until, we became FAGS. and ya know, friends that would sit tgt during recess, and talk bout how blue the sky is, how green the field is. and then ii realis'd! eewks! MARTHA NG HUI YING! youre so LOUD!! wrahh. hah. anyways DILLIGENT AND SMART girl, work hard next yr yeas? ((: and im your friend, so think of me when you need help!! SMACKS.to those out there who are my close friends, jelin rachel edmund geraldine candice michellelee alinateo amandateo leon joanne enshao kevin sarah yuhuimaam and many many many more.. &&& to those new and close friends that jus enter'd into my life, carissa saleha yuliang chanel peipei yuye alan daxter fazall zhenluan evelyn melissayuen annabella jiayee guozhong sufi zhengxian DJ joshuakong joshualim naomi mary sarah yuanhao celinamaam qihuimaam yumingmaam georginamaam and many many many more> LOL. y not jus say everyone ii know in short. ((: all of you really brightens up my day! thanks for that ehhs? dumdeedum. my smile is present cos of y'all!! LOVE!
to everyone out there, and esp those who have been readin and checkin out my blog daily> y'all help to put my smile onto my face!! thanks for your presence!
to those whom iive hurt this yr> you all know who you are. im so sorry. some things we cant control, esp if its affairs of heart rights? owells. im sorry. (: maybe in someday to come, we will meet each other down the road again. and we will both smile and say, this decision is the right one. ((: hah.
to my pal, yuye > yuye. remember what ive told you? love isnt bout havin him, is bout givin him the happiness he wants. stay up strong girl none of us wanna see you down. its alright if you still think of him. but remember this: love is a BEAUTIFUl thing. keep that love deep down within you and dont let it hurt anyone, esp yourself. at least you have a happy past with him. time will really heal all wounds. (: ii came thru it all, and so can you. yes, ii may not have heal COMPLETELY, but ii know, with all the support that my friends are always giving me, ii know ii can make it thru, i jus know. (: dont if its over, jus let it go. clinging on causes more hurt, not to him, but YOU. trust me. love yourself, before you can love others, dear. start your life afresh. the moments and memories will be enough to pull you thru.. ii din say its easy to let go. but the word is TRY. letting go seems hard, but it might jus be the best for both of you.. remember this: im ALWAYS here. ((: and iloveyou. ((x
theres jus so much left to say, theres jus so much left to talk, theres jus so much left to tell. but time has its limits.
its a brand new yr, for those out there, havin a rather bad OLD yr, do what im gonna do. tell yourself, not to be silly dumb and stupid again, to committ those mistakes again. afterwhich, give yourself a pat on the shoulder and a hug. telling yourself, you can do it. the most impt things, throw your old life behind you. dont look back and refresh your mind bout those bad memories. BAD ones ought to be thrown away, not keep. ((:
for now,
happy new year everyone. ((:
when ii found myself in the wrong place
ii turn'd around and close'd tt door on your face;
&maybe things will be fine after awhile.
